#the monster fucker in me is acting up bestie

[linpunny]

Hnngh, no thoughts only Karaku praising you while he eats you out so messily.

He does it on purpose too. Long tongue slurping through your sticky folds as he has your legs pressed to your chest, thumb swirling on your clit. The way he would pull back and smile a fanged grin up at you each time he'd feel you tighten up and quivering, delaying your orgasm.

He wants when you cum to be explosive – that it drenched his face in your essence. So much that he's tasting it for days on his tongue. You're such a good little plaything. Taking it so well. His soft voice cooing down at you as he dips his tongue back to your slick center, lapping up the juices that spills from your needy hole.

[forthegothicheroine]

Ah, Waxwork (1988)! The epitome of "I didn't say it was good, I said I liked it." A trashy horror comedy which became infamous among a very specific community of monster fuckers: those too hardcore for Edward Cullen and too squeamish for Pinhead.

I was going to just make a bullet-point list of my thoughts upon rewatch, but there's too much to say, so you lucky people get a full recap!

Our protagonist is Mark, a rich boy who for some reason attends community college. He lives under the thumb of his ridiculous sitcom-villain mother, and has to rely upon his butler sneaking him coffee and cigarettes. I suppose we're seeing what Bruce Wayne's life would be like in a world without alley muggings.

Mark getting sexually rejected will be a running theme in this movie, so let's meet the women who will be doing the rejecting: China and Sarah! These college classmates of his are that improbably 80s horror movie duo, the evil slut and the sweet virgin who are for some unexplained reason besties. China has exchanged Mark for a football player, and she smokes and wears sunglasses and comments on boy's bodies while Sarah acts mildly scandalized. They walk to school, discussing boys and just how promiscuous is too promiscuous, when they see something at the side of the street- a new Waxwork house!

Little do they know what darkness and delight await them inside.

Isn't this a bit outdated, the girls ask each other? You're telling me, I respond, as a former actress at a tourist attraction that was next door to Madame Tussaud's, I have no idea who buys tickets.

They are welcomed at the door by holy shit, David Warner? I really hope he filmed this directly back to back with The Company of Wolves. David Warner invites them to come to a special private opening with a group of up to six people- any more would be too crowded! And China, apparently having nothing better to do as a sexy party girl in the 1980s, agrees. Thus, the rest of the friend group is roped in to attending.

Mark is there, mostly to be hurt whenever China talks about how much fun she's having sleeping with guys who aren't him. There's a dating couple who will show up now and again late in the movie but don't really matter. There are, of course, China and Sarah. And then-

Oh my god. I hadn't seen Twin Peaks yet when I first saw this movie, but oh my god, that's Bobby from Twin Peaks. Doing the same movement tics and vocal cadence that he did as Bobby from Twin Peaks. This is so distracting, you have no idea how much.

Anyway, the gang go to the waxwork house and speaking of Twin Peaks, they are greeted by a small man doing the Peter Dinklage bit from Living in Oblivion ("Make it weird, put a dwarf in it!") We don't have too much time to dell on that, though. The kids hang out for a bit so China has more time to sexually insult Mark, and then they are finally allowed into the wax museum itself.

The waxwork is, all in all, actually pretty cool! It's a bunch of scenes from "history", by which we mean classic pre-80s horror movies. There's the Mummy, there's the Invisible Man, there's Audrey II, there's Jack the Ripper. Keep in mind that all of these exhibits, not just Jack the Ripper, will later prove to have been taken directly from real life events. The sequel muddies this with horror movie scenes that take place in alternate dimensions in a cosmos that weirdly resembles Moorcock's Eternal Champion mythos, but we're not talking about the sequel right now.

I wish I could write a novelization of this movie and just go nuts on the worldbuilding. My speculations would make for an epic of Tolkienesque length.

Bobby from Twin Peaks is the first to go exactly where you're expecting: into an exhibit to get killed. He stumbles into a scene from the Wolf Man (which oddly enough looks a bit like the 2010 Wolf Man but they're obviously trying to do either the original Universal or Hammer version.) He bitches about this, how it must be a hologram and a super lame one at that because there are, like, no girls in bikinis or anything, just some dick in a cabin telling him to run for his life!

(Put a pin in that, by the way.)

He should have listened. But hey, someone has to be the first bit of canon fodder.

The Wolf Man is, of all people, John Rhys-Meyers! He pleads with Bobby to run, but it's too late- his transformation has begun! This is not a bad werewolf look, as practical effects go; he's got a snout and everything. The extremely long ears are what bother me. I felt this way in the Into the Woods movie as well- Johnny Depp just looked like a really sleazy rabbit. But this Wolf Man is a real deal monster, and while Bobby cowers after taking a flesh wound, he sets upon a pair of hunters who have tracked him down, ripping the younger one in half straight through the head.

As goofy as it is, Waxwork gets pretty damn gory.

The older hunter, who's clearly supposed to be Peter Cushing as Van Helsing, ends his reign of terror with a silver bullet. And when the wounded Bobby starts to transform as well, Van Helsing puts a stop to that with a second shot. Fade out to the waxwork exhibit, which now has a half-transformed victim beside the Wolf Man.

So much for Bobby. But eh, fuck 'im, he wasn't much of a character. China, on the other hand...

China notices a display with a particularly handsome villain. She takes a step over the velvet rope to take a closer look, and thus seals her fate.

(Side note: I don't know if I'd survive the movie or be first to get killed, because I would be going "But we're not supposed to touch the exhibits!" the whole time.)

China emerges into a Christopher Lee-worthy dark castle, wearing a white prom dress that's good enough period attire for this sort of movie. Thus begins the Dracula sequence, the first reason this movie has a very specific cult following.

As a teen in the '00s, I frequented web rings of blogs that reviewed old science fiction movies. There was one sight which was dedicated to cataloging every vampire movie the author could find- her favorites were The Lost Boys, Mr. Vampire and Interview with the Vampire- and she listed this as the single sexiest depiction of Dracula on film. Naturally, I spent the next several pre-streaming era years hunting down a VHS.

And who do we have playing sexy Dracula? In yet another 'you're not gonna believe this' casting choice, Miles "How Much Keefe" O'Keefe! The man known to all MSTies as Ator, and to other shlock aficionados as Tarzan! I have no idea why they cast him, but you know what? That barbarian warrior cleans up pretty damn well.

China is too stunned by her surroundings to quibble, and takes the part of a gothic heroine staying at the castle, whose fiance "unfortunately had to leave just now." Dracula introduces her to his lovely lady friends and his brooding adult son Stephan, and serves her a meal of steak tartar in salty red sauce, the suggestive setup for a rather gruesome payoff later.

In-character, Sarah is cornered in her room by Stephan, who says that his father wants her for himself and that he'd be banished from the castle if it was known he put his hands on her first- but before he can get past the fangs-out stage of his assault, she flees down the hallway, as far as she can run, until she reaches a room out of a Saw movie poster, half-dungeon and half-kitchen.

Her fiancee- that is, the fiancee in whatever real-life story she stepped into- is chained up, with one leg gruesomely cut down to the bone to serve to his captors and his own unknowing bride. China tries and fails to unchain him while he runs her through a quick explanation of what vampires are and how to kill him, just in time for Stephan to catch up with her.

China is surprisingly heroic in this scene, given how completely unsympathetic the movie had set her up to be. Son of Dracula goes down with a cross burned into his forehead, while she takes out a few Brides via wine bottles through the chest. When the chained up fiancee turns, though, she flees, sobbing, though the castle, her white gown covered in blood.

"Going somewhere, my beauty?" Dracula asks. She turns and looks into his eyes- and now it is too late. She falls under his hypnotic trance, and he lowers her to the floor, ending her human life in an ecstatic kiss.

It's a better way to go than she would have gotten in most other dumb horror movies of this era.

Mark- remember Mark?- has finally noticed that two of his friends (such as they are) have gone missing. He figures they must have gone off to hook up, but that doesn't feel right- for some reason, he knows that Bobby is the one man that China would never ever want to fuck. Sarah is less concerned, as she's focused on a statue of the Marquis de Sade looking like a sexy pirate. When Mark does get her to leave with him, he shoots his shot, but Sarah says that while he's a nice guy and she likes him a lot, she's looking for something...different.

Sarah's whole deal, as you may have guessed, is that she's a virgin at least in part because she can only be satisfied by BDSM, a desire she learned about through secretively reading de Sade but has no contemporary sex ed language to talk about. To the film's credit, this very Clive Barker plotline isn't used to make her unsympathetic or deserving of death, but rather to enhance the theme of Mark getting sexually rejected.

(Also, Mark paid his ESL housekeeper to write an essay for him, which was demanded by a history professor who was weirdly into Hitler. To his dismay, the essay read "I do not like dictators. They do the shouting and wear the small mustaches."

Well. She's not wrong.)

When China and Bobby fail to reappear the next day, Mark and Sarah go off to investigate. A mean cop tells them that lots of people have recently gone missing, and ends up investigating on his own- an investigation that ends with him being killed by the Mummy while the theme from Swan Lake plays in the background. (The title music in Universal's original Mummy and Dracula! The music I walked down the aisle to at my wedding! It's a little detail I liked.)

China's jock boyfriend also shows up to get killed by the Phantom of the Opera, while David Warner shakes his head in surprise to learn that he knew the character from a movie. "They'll make a movie of anything these days!" he says. However, I found myself focusing on the brief close-up where we saw that the Phantom had a mustache. A well-maintained mustache. Half-covered by a half-mask. Does he shave and maintain it on the deformed side, too? These are the kind of questions my novelization would go into.

Mark and Sarah get a quick rundown on everything from a professorly type of guy in a wheelchair who's basically the Criminologist from Rocky Horror. He tells them that via something something dark magic, victims are being given to evil men who are long dead to revive them and then something something destroy the world. For all I joke, it is my fondest dream to be this kind guy- a librarian who could give the protagonist exactly the book they need to fight Dracula.

Remember that pin I had you put in the Wolf Man pleading with Bobby to run? That brings up the question of what this movie considers "evil men". The Wolf Man really didn't want to kill anybody, but his body was taken over by the curse! And what about Audrey II? I'll grant that the plant sure was a dick, but was he a man? And what about all the ghouls in the zombie exhibit? The first time I watched this I also quibbled about the Marquis de Sade being here alongside actual murders, but I'll let that slide this time- the sheer scale of his imagination for evil was impressive enough, even if he didn't get to do most of it.

Mark and Sarah go to burn the waxwork down, but the temptation to fuck the Marquis is too much and Sarah just willingly goes right into his wax exhibit. Mark falls into the zombie exhibit, where it goes black and white in a pastiche of Night of the Living Dead as he fights off walking corpses and crawling disembodied hands.

Sarah has a better time. Now we see the second part of why this movie has a very specific cult reputation.

The Marquis de Sade, as portrayed in Waxwork, is dashing man with long dark hair, a puffy shirt open to reveal a very hair chest, wearing leather boots and gloves and always carrying a whip. He is entertaining a man (blonde and similarly good-looking, played by the director) whom he calls "your majesty", who will later to be revealed as Prince George of England, the future George IV. This struck me as absolutely hilarious.

For the prince's entertainment, he offers the sole virgin in his stable of beauties- Sarah, of course, stepping forward to have her arms affixed over her head proudly and eagerly. He leans in and whispers his intentions to Sarah- to whip her bloody, hand her over to George and his men for their enjoyment, then torture her to death- and she kisses him and swoons into her chains.

This scene is interesting because of how it's shot. There's no nudity in this movie- the only skin Sarah proceeds to expose is her back. I don't want to use terms like "male gaze" or "female gaze" because the former is a greater scale film theory term and the latter isn't really a term outside of tumblr, but this scene and the one with Dracula are presented as bodice rippers. Whether or not women went to see this movie, let alone enjoyed it, both scenes but especially the one with Sarah and de Sade are portrayed as female sexual fantasies. We don't see much of Sarah's body, but we see many close-ups of her face, perspiring and biting her lip as she waits for each sting of the whip.

Britain's "Video Nasties" list from 1984 banned many gory horror movies as obscene. Waxwork has far less gore than Evil Dead or Bay of Blood. As far as I know, it has never been banned under any obscenity laws.

By the time Mark (remember Mark?) gets out of his exhibit and into Sarah's, we are told that she has taken more whipping than any other woman the Marquis has ever seen, and enjoyed every bit of it. Mark saves her, but she pushes him away and runs back to the Marquis, kneeling at his foot and grasping at his boot. No, she protests, she wants to stay here! Smirking at the polo-clad dork from the future, de Sade said the line that dropped my jaw to the floor when I first saw this in my impressionable youth.

"Don't be angry just because she had her first orgasm at the end of a whip and not by your touch!"

Somehow not shriveling up and dying from that insult, Mark persuades Sarah that they should go because this setup did kill their friends and Your Mind Makes it Real and ugh, fine, Sarah will go back and save the world if she really has to. de Sade promises Mark that they'll meet again, though. ("How much did the Marquis de Sade know about this whole time and/or dimension traveling thing?" is another great question I would have expounded on in my novelization.)

But the kids have not yet saved the day, and their two friends from the very beginning are sacrificed in their places. The stars are right, the sacrifices have been made, and it's time for all the monsters and assorted villains to come to life and something something destroy the world! Thankfully, backup has arrived in the form of the wheelchair-bound expert from before and a while gang of his elderly and heroic friends, including Mark's totally-not-Alfred butler. Let the big chaotic fight scene commence!

Blood sprays left and right. Mark kills a zombified former friend, and weeps when his butler kills the vampirized China. Sarah tosses the small minion guy right into Audrey II. Dracula gets perhaps the lamest death onscreen he's ever had, surpassing even Scars of Dracula where he was randomly hit by lightning.

And the Marquis de Sade, who apparently is quite the swashbuckler, is flitting around with rapier and whip, having a grand old time. (At least it's better than what he supposedly did during the storming of the Bastille...) He beats Mark easily in combat, but makes the mistake of doing a gloating monologue before driving his blade through the boy's throat, giving Sarah the chance to break his spine with an ax. Let's hope Mark appreciates the sacrifice.

David Warner still must be confronted, however. Mark demands to know why he wants to destroy the world, and he smiles and responds "Somebody has to."

I guess you can't argue with that.

The elderly gentlemen give their lives to kill Warner, and the whole building goes up in flames. The only survivors are Mark, Sarah and a crawling disembodied hand who is off to set up the events of the sequel. Mark and Sarah embrace, but nothing more, at least not until the sequel.

Is Waxwork good? No. Is it scary? Some of the gory bits did make me wince. Is it funny? Sometimes on purpose, sometimes probably not on purpose. Is it offensive? We see a brief glimpse of what looks like a very racist tableau with an evil witch doctor or something, the role of the small minion is not exactly a great part, and China and Sarah were plucked right from the virgin-whore archetype with only somewhat more depth.

But do I watch it, fascinated, as if it is an esoteric text containing the secret alchemical formula for gold? I sure do.

[chuuyascumsock]

Heyyooo how’ve you been!!! I hopt ur doin okie and stayin safe !

Just saw your reply, AND TO THE PERSON WHO GOT YALL EXTRA HOMEWORK:-DISHONOR ON YOU, DISHONOR ON YOUR COW-

Oh also i have no idea what that anon who keeps tryna say ur not a lesbian if you like fictional men is getting at…DUDE DO YOU NOT HEAR HOW SILLY YOU SOUND??? I feel the need to direct them to the nearest pond since they keep acting like a silly goose🙄

Also also on the less casual side if things, i may have been having silly werewolf chuuya thoughts….

ALSO ALSO ALSO IM SO EXCITED FOR YOUR CHUUYA VERSE SMUTSSS AHHH THE ENTIRE WEEK’S WORTH HAS BE ABSOLUTELY VIBRATING WITH EXCITEMENTTT i may or may not be dying for day one(good) but that’s besides the point! Please take as much time as you need and want! We’ll still be here waiting like followers in a cult when youre done.(i wanted to make a sorta worshippers in a church analogy but thought the cult one fit better..?? I mean your basically the deity we offer our silly goofy thoughts to sooo yh☺️)

Please hydrate and eat well and keep slaying☺️💅🏻

(Also i thought of maybe trying to leave you some little smutty thoughts every day? Idk youve been so nice i just wanna actually write you something😔 sooo id love to know what you’d want!)

-🧀

How I feel rn after your cult comment (I have a long history of starting cults in the past so I’m glad I haven’t lost my old ways 🥰���).

But yeah, THAT ASSHOLE GOT US HW EVERYDAY FROM NOW ON I WANTED TO SLAP HIM SILLY. IT’S MUSIC CLASS, HOW DO YOU FUCK UP MUSIC CLASS 😭😭

Fr, as perfectly said by my bestie Pissbutt, I’m a fake straight and a real lesbian 😍

WEREWOLF CHUUYA⁉️ YOU’RE A MONSTER FUCKER, OH MY GOD— EW, DISGUSTING, GRO— Me too, drop the thoughts 👀 (The amount of past interests I have are wild, everything I will always be unfazed 👹).

I’m actually excited for the week of smuts too, I already have an outline and plot for all of them. I think my favorite ones rn I’m REALLY looking forward to are the Detective and University Student Chuuya ones cause I have a surprise for the Detective one. Y’all say the Voyeurism tag, right? 🤭

I HOPE YOU EAT PROPER MEALS AND SOME SNACKIES (and stay hydrated with that h2hoe 😫).

(You’re so sweet, you don’t have to leave smutty thoughts everyday, I also accept crack, fluff, and angst too if you have any of those. But if you want to, you absolutely can, but don’t feel obligated cause Ik burnout hits sometimes when thought vomiting a bunch of ideas lol.)

(And you think I’m nice 🥺? Good, my online personality is working 😈)

[perfectly-unsad]

Attack on Titan Headcanons

Warnings - 18+, SFW + NSFW headcanons for all characters, general h/cs, their favourite body parts, kinks I think they’d have, fem anatomy assumed for reader, mentions of mental illness in Reiners section, not proof read

Includes - Eren, Armin, Mikasa, Jean, Connie, Sasha, Historia, Ymir, Levi, Erwin, Miche, Hange, Reiner, Bertholt, Annie, Porco, Zeke, Pieck

A/N - Writing these with the canon universe in mind! I’ve tried to include most characters because I hate when I see my favs left out! If I missed anyone that you want to read, or you want more details on a certain topic or character feel free to submit it as a request <3

~~~~~~~~~~

Eren

He has a huge sweet tooth, loves to treat himself with chocolates or pastries but loves them even more when you buy them for him, but if you MADE them for him!!!! He’s in love

He is VERY temperamental and any little thing can change his mood but luckily for you he is also a very good communicator and will always tell you what’s upset him

I feel like his love language would be quality time. You don’t have to be doing the same thing, just knowing you’re with him brings him a lot of comfort

Eren is a brat tamer!! He likes it when you act up because he loves putting you in your place. He’ll tolerate your attitude in public but don’t make the mistake of thinking he didn’t notice how you rolled your eyes at something he said or how you replied far too sarcastically to his question because he’ll definitely get a whimpering apology out of you later

Besties this may be the monster fucker in me talking but if you asked him he would definitely be willing to let you see what that Titan form tongue does

His favourite body part of yours is your hair. He’ll run his hands through it when you guys cuddle, he’ll always smell it when you hug, he’ll absent-mindedly twirl the ends whenever he can and of course he’d ball it up in his fist to pull your head up when he’s hitting it from behind<3

Kinks include light bondage, impact play, hair pulling, and risky public sex, he’s definitely a thrill seeker

Armin

The best boyfriend! Will always notice when something is wrong and does whatever he can to fix it or comfort you.

If you have trouble sleeping he will read to you as a background noise to try get you to sleep

Always kisses you goodnight and goodbye

His love language is physical touch. Hear me out! He spends a lot of time thinking stuff through, and gentle touches really help ground him and bring him back to reality. Touching his arm, wrapping your arms around him, kissing him, it all reminds him to be present in the moment with you

10000% a sub. I cannot in any universe see this man as a dom in any scenario, it’s just not on the cards. He would definitely try for you if you asked but I don’t think it would go very well and you would end up in chargeo

He will let you peg him

His favourite body part of yours is your lips. He loves loves LOVES kissing and will especially want to kiss you when you’re being intimate. He also loves hearing you talking about literally anything and everything

Kinks include sensory deprivation (he likes being blindfolded), temperature play (especially using ice) and he wants all the praise in the world!

Mikasa

We already know that she will do literally anything for you, anything…

She’s definitely the type to absolutely spoil you with romantic moments! She’ll dance with you in the rain, she’ll pick up flowers and pretty rocks that remind her of you, she’ll watch the sunset with you and she will take the best care of you when you’re sick

Her love language is acts of service, hands down. Anything she can do for you, she will. You casually mentioned how you miss the muffins your mother used to make for you? Better believe she’s trying thousands of muffin recipes in an attempt to recreate them for you.

She is a switch but is definitely more of a sub. To everyone else she is the baddest bitch around, right? She’s never been one to shy away from voicing her opinions and doing what she believes is right regardless of her orders. However, she loves that she trusts you enough to allow you to take control, and with her love comes her obedience so she will follow all of your orders<3

Her favourite body part of yours is your legs. Wrap your legs around her when you’re cuddling and she melts! Rest your legs on her when you’re laying down, she loves it!

Kinks include mutual masturbation, orgasm denial and praise

Jean

Huge flirt! Even after years of being together his flirtatious playful comments still leave you red faced and swooning (which is good because at first he was a very awkward flirter)

It takes a while for him to open up to you but once he does he becomes sooooo soft and will often confide in you, especially when he’s having a hard day

He has a good relationship with his mother and as such I do think he would like to be “looked after” by his s/o. Not in a demanding or entitled way, and he would definitely show you how grateful he is every time you make him food, wash his clothes, clean the dishes etc. he isn’t ever taking you for granted!

His love language is gift giving and it’s really cute because he does it in kind of an awkward way? He’ll be shy when presenting you a gift, at first you think he’s embarrassed to be admitting that he thought of you when he saw some silly little knick knack but actually he’s just worried you won’t like it! This sweet man!

A true switch. He can be a dom or sub depending on the mood but his main goal is always making sure you’re having a good time. We love a considerate king. His favourite position is cowgirl because he loves making eye contact and kissing your neck while you ride him.

His favourite body part of yours is your neck! Better believe he marks you the fuck up with hickies! He loves feeling your pulse on his lips and the sounds you make when his teeth graze your sensitive skin

Kinks include wax play, edging, oral sex giving and receiving. He will definitely finish while eating you out, and around here we find that incredibly sexy

Connie

This man loves playing games. Not mind games, like, actual games. He’s super competitive though so it’s never going to just be a chill game of charades with Connie because he is always playing to win, especially if Jean is playing too.

He will defend you about anything to anyone. You’re trying to convince everyone that 2+2=5? Connie will do all kinds of mental gymnastics to prove that you are right, however, as soon as it’s just you two he is definitely gonna be like “babe, what the fuck?” Defend in public, correct in private!

His love language is physical touch and he will practically be glued to your hip. You’re watching a movie and get up to get some water? Connie is following you into the kitchen holding your hand. He always has to be touching you in some way

Connie is more of a dom, but if you occasionally take the lead and encourage him to sub he will be soooooo into it

His favourite body part of yours is your skin (sounds super creepy actually but trust me), he loves to see you shiver under his touch and when you get goose bumps as he lightly grazes your shoulder with his fingertips! He’s mesmerised!

Kinks include degradation (complete juxtaposition to how he talks to you outside of the bedroom!), body worship and breath play

Sasha

I headcanon that Sasha isn’t a great cook, she’ll just eat anything so if you can cook one good meal for her then you’ve won her over

She loves pet names and general cutesy relationship stuff! She doesn’t do big romantic moments like Mikasa but she will never stop doing little things like take you out for dinner, buy you flowers and plan anniversary events

Her love language is gift giving, especially food. We all know that it’s pretty rare for Sasha to share food, but she’ll even give you the bigger half of food she breaks in two<3

Pillow princess! She feels bad about it, but she’s really shy when it comes to intimacy like that at first

However, once you get her more comfortable she is the BEST at eating you out. Lay on your back, sit on her face, she’ll also eat you out from behind she really cannot get enough!

Her favourite body part of yours is your tongue. She really likes making out, slow and sensual or heated and passionate she loves it all. She also likes other things you do with your tongue and I h/c that she’s got quite a high libido

Kinks include food play (obvious but true, starts with something simple like coconut oil but Sasha will lick whipped cream off of any part of your body with GUSTO), lots and lots of praise and light pain

Historia

Ride or die kind of girlfriend. She’s very sweet and nice until someone hurts you physically or just hurts your feelings, then she’s out for blood

She’s very protective and if she sees someone flirting with you she does get jealous and it’s adorable because she gets all moody but is very easy to make her smile again

Will always put your happiness first, for better or worse

Her love language is acts of service. Remember how she carried Daz around that snowy mountain? She would do so much more for you

She is more of a sub and wouldn’t take it upon herself to try and be dominant

Her favourite body part of yours is your waist. She loves she wrap her arms around your waist when she hugs you and she’ll often trace the curves of your body with a gentle touch

Kinks include teasing, lingerie (especially anything lacy), gags and forced orgasm

Ymir

You really do not need a man to feel safe because Ymir will, without hesitation, cut a bitch for you

Unlike Historia, if she sees someone flirting with you or working themselves up to flirt with you she’ll encourage them “yeah, she’s so hot, right? You should go and talk to her” and then when they get rejected she makes sure they see her walking out with you wrapped around her arm

She really fell for you when you actually took the time to get to know her, rather than being turned away by her initial off putting personality you continued to want to get to know her

Her love language is quality time. She loves being around you as often as possible and never gets sick of you

Dom energy all the way. It would take a lot to get her to sub for anyone and she is a huge service dom, she gets all her pleasure from seeing how good she makes you feel

Her favourite part of your body is your forehead. She’s quite tall and loves to give you forehead kisses, as well as forehead flicks when you’re being dumb. She’ll also press her forehead against yours to look into your eyes when she’s feeling extra sappy

Kinks include body worship, begging, hand cuffs and over stimulation

Levi

Very much a “cold person, except when it comes to you” kind of man but he’s still never overly lenient with you and would probably actually hold you to a higher standard than others

He is very used to having to look after himself and others so I think he’d be really taken aback if you looked after him. Cooked him food, bought him gifts, cleaned up any mess, and omg if you washed his hair for him? He might just cry (but won’t ever admit that)

He will grow his own food whenever possible. He loves eating fruit, veggies, herbs that he has grown in his own little garden, although he doesn’t grow any flowers or unusable plants

Will sometimes act like he isn’t too interested in some things you’re saying but he will remember pretty much everything you tell him about yourself

His love language is acts of service, he isn’t exactly “loud” with his love and I think he’d be shy to verbally express just how much he loves you so he would show you in quieter ways. Tea in the morning, fixing anything out of place on your outfit, double checking ODM gear. All are his subtle way of saying he loves you.

Bonus: Levi loves to receive words of affirmation, especially on unexpected things! People often tell him how strong he is, so when you mention that you love how gentle his touch is he melts

There are two common Levi headcanons that I personally don’t agree with, the first is that people think he’d be a really rough dom that uses a lot of slapping, choking, degradation etc but… that just doesn’t add up for me? His mother was a prostitue and I believe that although she tried to shelter as much of that lifestyle from him as possible he would have some idea of how violent men can be with women and he HATES it! The second headcanon is that fellow Levi stans love the idea of him having a huge fat cock and I get it, I really do, we all love that, but girlies, this man is 5’3 there is no way he’s packing 7+ inches. I h/c he’s probably 5.5 inches and it’s literally the prettiest one you’d ever see

Saying that, Levi is most definitely a service dom. Another man who would finish as he eats you out, and I will reiterate we LOVE THAT AROUND HERE!

His favourite body part of yours is your chest (not your boobs). When you’re sleeping, he will sometimes place a hand on your chest just to feel your heartbeat and remind himself that you’re alive and you’re his. He’s lost a lot of people he cares about, and whenever you can’t be with him when he wakes up he can feel quite anxious until he sees you

Speaking of, this man takes his title as “humanity’s strongest soldier” VERY seriously when it comes to you, regardless of your skill. He will not let you go anywhere dangerous without him to watch your back unless there is absolutely no other choice

Kinks include handcuffs, slight power play (the way that you specifically call him Captain), begging, light biting + back scratching and heavy on the praise

Erwin

Doesn’t seem like it but is low-key a huge romantic! Candle lit dinners, dancing in the living room to your favourite song, tracks when there will be meteor showers so you can watch them together, going on horse rides together etc

Loves listening to you talk about things you’re passionate about, equally loves telling you about things he’s passionate about

Secretly assigns you to the safer positions on missions beyond the wall in the Long Range Scouting Formation

His love language is quality time and you CANNOT convince me otherwise! He spends so much time doing paperwork, can you imagine how much he’d love it if you came to just be around him while he did that? Immediately he’s smiling

Erwin is a dom, there’s no debating it. Getting him to sub? Impossible

Now… I just know this man is slinging a horse cock. It’s big. It’s fucking huge.

Favourite body part is the small of your back. He often rests his hand there when you’re in public and he loves how you react to his touch

Kinks include thigh riding (he’s too busy working so you have to use his thigh to get off, Erwin please give me one chance!), cock warming, spanking, discipline and voyeurism (you’re not allowed to touch him or yourself if you’ve been particularly bratty)

Miche

More of the oblivious type. He genuinely doesn’t understand why you get so flustered when he gets super close to sniff you

I feel like when you were first assigned to his squad and he sniffed you, you slapped him thinking he was some creep. Gelgar would burst out laughing and Nanaba would let you know you just slapped your new Captain and that he isn’t a creep he just has an incredible sense of smell… instant regret

He fell in love with you when you bought him a succulent plant instead of flowers and told him that you thought he’d prefer something with a less overwhelming scent. He keeps every single thing you bring him, pretty rocks, unique leaves, he loves it all

His love language is words of affirmation. He is a man of few words, but will always tell you when you do a good job and he never fails to compliment you on your actions or appearance!

Miche is a switch but leans more towards being a dom

He’s a panty sniffer, it’s literally canon (it’s not)

His favourite body part of yours is your thighs. He likes putting his hand on your thigh when you sit next to each other, and he likes resting his head on your thighs when he’s laying down

Kinks include crotch sniffing, sleep play, orgasm control and rope bondage

Hange

They have this ability mastered where they are able to get you to try new stuff and do new things just outside of your comfort zone but without overwhelming you. It’s opened you up to a lot of fun new stuff to do together!

You are the only person they prioritises over their Titan research! Saying that, they are still super passionate about their work and you and Moblit are constantly sweating it about their safety

They love love LOVE surprising you. They’ll spend the entire day acting like they’ve forgotten about your anniversary or some other special day and you fall for it every time, but they’ve actually planned some kind of elaborate thoughtful gesture for you

Speaking of celebrating, never again will you hate your birthday! They makes you feel so special and will dote on you all day

They are very mothering! “What have you eaten today?” “Did you warm up before this exercise?” “You shouldn’t wear those wet clothes, you’ll get sick!”

Their love language is physical touch. They will often brush against you, grab your hands in excitement, lean on you etc they find it very comforting and grounding to just feel you

They are definitely a dom but can be convinced to sub for you, but it takes some persuading

Their favourite body part of yours is your ears. Look at Hange and tell me they aren’t an ear nibbler. You can’t fucking do it because it’s true!

Kinks include shibari, blood play (mild), whips, dacryphilia as a result of overstimulation (not pain!)

Reiner

I think people often shy away from talking about Reiners mental health, but fuck that, I will speak this man’s truth. I mean, we saw how he reacted as he came to terms with betraying all of his friends and now add in him betraying us, the person he has fallen so very deeply in love with!

Reiner is, at first, very reluctant to fall for you but he just can’t help it. Once he’s accepted that it’s very difficult for him and his Dissociative Identity Disorder really helps him cope with that. I mean, he loves you more than anything, right? So how could he…?

If you were from Marley and defended him against Porco, he’s instantly falling for you

He often has bad dreams and while everyone else sees him as the “reliable big brother” you get glimpses of how much he really struggles behind the scenes. So, when he wakes up to you cuddled up close to him it’s a big relief and source of comfort. Who would have thought that the big tough guy of the 104th is actually a big teddy bear

Unlike Levi, I agree with a lot of the fan headcanons for Reiner, include his desperate need for a hug and someone to tell him that they’re proud of him! Do this, and his heart will belong to you forever

As such, his love language is physical touch. He often tries to initiate gentle touches in the hope that you do it back. E.g. he will wrap his arms around you and lay his head on your chest hoping you’d play with his hair, rub his back, put your hand on his arm just anything!

He would dom at first, but once he’s more comfortable with you he likes it when you take over sometimes

I h/c that Reiner is pretty big and girthy, he doesn’t want to hurt you so the first couple of times it’s a little clumsy but when this man learns how to properly use it + his intense desire to make you feel good? Fucking. Hell.

His favourite body part of yours is your butt. Reiner is an ass man (I mean, did you guys see how many times he talked about asses? Way more than any other character!), not sexually but he will also rest his hand on your butt absent-mindedly and give it a gentle squeeze

Kinks include body worship (giving and receiving), anything with nipples (big titty sucker), BREEDING, voyeurism, light teasing and PRAISE

Bonus: not really a kink but Reiner will often hold your hand when he fucks you<3

Bertolt

Simp, simp, simp, SIIIIMMMPPPP!!! He’s super shy at first but once you’re in an established relationship this man will worship the ground you walk on and he’s always hitting you with the “you look so beautiful today” type compliments

He will always brag about you to other people, your skills, how kind you are, how funny you are, your achievements, he is your biggest fan honestly

I h/c that Bertolt has a huge soft spot for stray animals. He is forever bringing back stray cats and dogs to your house and sometimes injured wildlife

His love language is quality time! He would literally spend every waking moment with you if he could. Whenever you’re not next to him he’s always keeping an eye out for you

Sub. This man is a complete sub.

His favourite body part of yours is your back. He often runs his fingers down your back to make you shiver and loves planting gentle kisses along your spine

Kinks include orgasm denial (receiving), face sitting, teasing and massages (giving) that lead to sex

Annie

Surprisingly very romantic. When you get closer to her she becomes less cold and distant and reveals her much softer, romantic side

Annie gives off major friends to lovers vibes

Eager to please, she will do things for you to make you happy like bring you cool stuff she finds that reminds her of you and will go way outside of her comfort zone as long as the end result makes you smile

I feel like she has a hard time verbalising her emotions so she often writes you letters to express her feelings for you and omg they are some of the most beautiful and poetic words you could ever hope to read

Her love language is gift giving. Not only will she buy you gifts whenever they remind her of you, but she will also collect things like rocks and feathers to give to you and she will make stuff for you too like cute little daisy chains!

Annie is another true switch, she’s perfectly comfortable being a sub or a dom!

Her favourite part of your body is your eyes! Although she isn’t very expressive, the closer you get to her the more you come to recognise her minor body language details that others might miss. One perfect example of this is how her brow ever so slightly relaxes and her eyes soften when she looks into yours. It’s her happy place

Kinks include silk/satin use, degradation, wax and mutual masturbation

Porco

His method of flirting is definitely bullying you. It’s childish but he never grew out of it!

Very easy to make him jealous and he is so fine when he’s jealous. He’d never admit how much it annoyed him that Zeke said you looked nice one day, he tries to act like he didn’t care at all but it was sooooo obvious that he was jealous!

He acts annoyed doing chivalrous things for you but he secretly loves doing them. He’ll give a “be careful, idiot” when you’re walking on the side of the pavement that the cars drive on and quickly swap places with you. He’ll playfully roll his eyes when you thank him for holding a door open for you and he’ll act like he was “too hot anyway” when you mention that you’re cold and he gives you his coat.

His love language is words of affirmation but with a slightly mean twist. He would notice you’re feeling insecure and when you tell him why he’ll be all “what? Are you blind? You look beautiful”

Dom, and he’s a mean one too! Not every time, he does enjoy softer intimate sex when you both feel like that

His favourite body part of yours is your hips. He loves biting them and bruising the, with his fingertips while he holds you in place while fucking you. Romance isn’t dead<3

Kinks include rough sex, impact play, marking, exhibitionism (not so much having people watch but definitely letting them hear you screaming for him), hair pulling and knife play

Zeke

Forever picking you flowers. He doesn’t really buy flowers, but whenever he sees a pretty one he’ll think of you and have to pick it

Enjoys having very philosophical conversations with you, especially at night when you guys are just laying together

The type of guy who will secretly take dance classes so that he can surprise you with a romantic moment on an anniversary

His love language is quality time. As long as you’re nearby he is happy, the closer the better of course but when he’s focusing on work it helps him concentrate on finishing it faster so that he can actually enjoy your company

Zeke is a dom but wouldn’t mind subbing for you occasionally. It would take some convincing but I firmly believe he’d let you peg him eventually

His favourite part of your body is your feet. I’m so sorry but I get MAJOR foot fetish vibes from Zeke

Kinks include daddy kink, face fucking, bondage and humiliation (giving)

Pieck

Pieck is the type to mark pages in poetry books that remind her of you

Always greets you with a kiss, without fail! She also really enjoys doing domestic chores together with you. Cooking with Pieck is always really fun and silly

She will spoil you soooooo much. Mention that you want something? Consider it yours. Take a second glance at a piece of clothing and she’s grabbing it to buy for you. Honestly she just wants you to be happy

Her love language is physical touch. She always presses against you when you’re sitting together, she’ll make sure to intertwine your fingers when you walk together and she doesn’t care how hot it gets you WILL spoon

She is a perfect switch. When she’s domming she can be a little mean, but when she’s subbing she’s so good for you<3

Her favourite body part of yours is your fingers. She loves intertwining her fingers with yours, she loves giving you manicures, she loves buying you rings and she loves when you use your fingers to make her cum

Kinks include orgasm control (giving and receiving), begging, toys - especially a strap, and restraints

[theinternetisfulloftrash]

My Dearest Trashy,

In honor of my sprained ankle, which is particularly angry today, can you write me a FLUFFY little number where Dylan takes care of his injured girlfriend?

Love,

Your BFF Mischief

Happily. Gladly. Eagerly.

This one goes out to my bestie and her busted ankle. Much love, beautiful human! - Trashy, your filthy enabler ;)

Tags: SWEET AS SHIT FLUFF. DEAL WITH IT, SMUT LOVERS.

Authors Note: Established relationship with a girl named Rachael. Rachael is my go-to for one-shots. If that's your name, I suppose this is an insert? Enjoy? ;) Also, here's some recommended listening, if you're into that kind of thing <3

As Long As You're With Me

God, what a long day. What a long-ass day. Rachael’s ankle ached and throbbed when she finally sat down on the couch. She winced as she reached down to rub at it.

“You’re supposed to be resting that, you know…” Dylan said, walking out from the kitchen into the living room. “Even at work…”

When she’d left that morning, he was still lazily walking around the house shirtless in a pair of grey sweats, so she was a bit surprised to see him looking so pulled together, especially since he said he’d be spending the day at home. He was wearing a dark blue sweater, and a pair of his favorite khakis. His hair was that perfect disheveled he managed to achieve on a fairly regular basis. He looked good, but he always did.

“No rest for the wicked,” she smiled at him, but she was sure it wasn’t convincing him.

He shook his head and sat down next to her, placing his hand on her thigh. “I really wish you’d taken another week off before you started going back into the office.” He looked down at her feet.

“I know, but...they needed me in there and the new guy is a fucking disaster.”

He sighed in resignation with a small shake of his head. “Well come on then,” he said, patting his thigh. “Get ‘em up here.”

“You really don’t have to—”

“Yes I do. So, shut up and gimme the hoof”.

Rachael laughed sliding sideways a bit on the couch so she could swing her legs up over his knees. She rested her back against the arm of the couch, watching him as he peeled off her little ankle socks and balled them up before he set them on the back of the couch.

Dylan ran a long finger down the side of her swollen ankle, stilling over the slight bruise that still discoloured it.

Rachael could see the way his brows knitted together like he was feeling her pain when he touched her skin. He loved her. She could see it in everything he did—everything he said—and she loved him too.

“I should have been there when you slipped,” he said, looking up at her as he laid his palm on her skin, the heat of his skin soothing the ache a bit. “Could’ve caught you.”

She smiled with a sigh. “I would have found a way to bust my ass with you holding my hand, and I think you know that.”

He laughed, wrapping her foot up in his hand and rubbing his thumbs into the arch. “The clumsy does run deep, huh?” he grinned, his hands working over her aching joints, but not stressing her tender injury.

She could feel the tension easing, some of the swelling in her foot and toes calming down under his touch.

“So how was your first day back?” he asked, swapping his attention to the other foot.

Rachel paused for a minute, watching the careful way he held her, the gentle way he worked his fingers against her skin. “I mean...it could have been better? Could’ve been worse?”

“Ah,” he said before he pressed his lips into a thin line. “So on a scale of one to workplace-fuckery, you were sitting around a ‘meh’?”

He had a way of making her feel like nothing was worth sweating over too much. That whatever it was that was bothering her just shouldn’t. That he was there for her, and that they’d get through it together. That she could lean on him and he’d gladly shoulder the extra weight.

“Yeah. ‘Meh’ sounds about right.”

“So,” he said, shifting the conversation “I was gonna cook for you, but I figured you’d actually like to enjoy your meal after a long day.” He flashed her a wink.

“Mmm, very astute of you,” she teased.

“Hey!” he reprimanded, his hands stilling on her skin. “I’m allowed to self-deprecate, but no one said you could pile on.”

“Sorry, sorry, go on…” she encouraged.

“So…” he drew it out, teasing her even more with the way he exaggerated the start of his sentence, “I ordered in…”

“Little Duck!?”

He huffed in feigned annoyance. “The art of surprise is entirely lost on you, isn’t it?”

“You act like I shouldn’t know that you’d order pad thai for such an illustrious occasion.”

He gave her foot a small squeeze before he spoke. “Fair.” He continued working over her sore joints with his strong hands, both of his thumbs driving the tension out of the arch on this foot too. “But, I think I can still surprise you,” he waggled his brows.

“Oh, really?” Rachel grinned.

“Mhm,” he hummed, worrying his lower lip between his teeth.

“We’ll see…”

He didn’t respond, he simply shook his head. “I’m gonna go grab some ice for this, because...while I know I have a magical touch with these,” he held up his hands and wiggled his fingers. “This bad boy,” he pointed to her swollen ankle, “needs the frozen peas treatment.”

She chuckled at him as he carefully lifted her feet from his lap and sat them down on a pillow he tucked under them.

“One sec,” he said, skipping off into the kitchen.

Rachael heard him digging around in the freezer, whistling and puttering around in the drawers for a minute or so before she heard the sound of a bunch of ice skittering across the kitchen floor. “Dyl! You alright?” she asked, sitting up a bit, holding her weight up on her palms.

“I got it!” he said, poking his head around the corner as he chased down an ice cube that had bounced through the threshold into the dining room. “Nothing to see here...don’t get up. I got it under control.”

“All right…just don’t hurt yourself. We can’t both be laid up,” she covered her eyes for a moment with her forearm, clearing her head before she laid back and relaxed, listening to him laugh a little bit before he started to whistle.

“Gotcha, you little fucker,” he said, presumably to an ice cube he’d tracked down in the kitchen. He strode back out into the living room, proudly holding a ziplock bag of ice and a tea towel. “M’lady,” he bowed, presenting the bag like it was a glass slipper on a velvet pillow.

She scooched along the couch to make a bit more space for him to sit down when the doorbell rang.

“Thai!” he almost shouted, wrapping the bag of ice in the tea toweL. He rested it on the pillow and set her ankle on it. “Hold that there,” he said, rushing for the door and flinging it open.

“Will do.”

Their dinner was sitting on the doorstep. “God. Don’t you just fucking love DoorDash?” he asked, plucking the bag from the ground before he shut the door. “Gone are the days of awkward conversations with food-peddling strangers. I couldn’t be happier about it.”

“Are you saying you don’t miss that long minute of awkward silence while you’re waiting for the transaction to finish?”

Dylan walked over and sat the bag on the coffee table. “That’s exactly what I’m saying.”

“Fair enough,” she agreed.

Dylan walked past her to the kitchen and grabbed some drinks before he snatched the remote control off the end table and turned on the TV. “Dinner and a movie?” he asked, looking over at her.

“Sure,” she smiled, sitting up a bit.

“Ah, ah,” he tisked, walking around to her side of the couch, standing over her and grabbing a pillow from the chair to place behind her back. “Rest,” he said, leaning down to press a soft kiss to her forehead.

Rachael sighed at the sweet gesture, but she wanted a little bit more than sweet. When he pulled back from her, she reached and pulled him down to her so that she could kiss him properly. His mouth was quick to adapt to the sudden need hers had for it. He leaned down even more to deepen their connection and his hands were soon knotting into the waves of her hair.

When she felt like she needed a breath, he cradled her face in his hand and peppered her lips and cheek with small kisses until his lips were brushing against the skin of her neck below her ear.

“Someone’s hungry,” he teased.

She smirked, brushing her lips over his ear. “Yeah...but mostly for thai food.”

“Ouch,” he laughed as he stood, “way to hurt a man’s feelings,” he feigned a gutshot as he walked back around the coffee table.

She tucked her legs back long enough for him to flop down onto the couch and adjust the cushion so that it was propped up on his thigh before she rested her ankle on it again.

He turned on the TV and opened Hulu. “Never Been Kissed?” he asked, pausing on the preview screen.

“Really, Dyl?”

“What!?”

“I thought you were going to surprise me?” she teased

He turned to her, looking less than impressed. “Alright, smartass. You pick.” He tossed her the remote.

“Fine,” she said, picking it up as he leaned forward and started taking the food out of the bag. He set her box of pad thai down in front of her, along with a pair of wrapped chopsticks. She grinned when she found the perfect movie. “This one,” she said clicking on it.

Dylan looked up at the TV, and his expression turned to indignation before he turned to her. “Really?” he asked before he ran his tongue along the inside of his lower lip.

“You said I could pick!” she whined. “I’m injured and sad…” she pouted, batting her lashes.

He narrowed his eyes, but she knew she had him wrapped around her finger.

He drew in a long breath and sighed it out before he spoke. “Fine..”

She smiled and pressed play, grabbing her food from the table as the title sequence for ‘Love and Monsters’ began to play.

[mccnyoongi]

fic teaser ⇢ buttercup

⇢ pairing: yoongi x fem!reader

⇢ genre: smut + slight angst

⇢ au: college!au, fwb!au, stoner!yoongi, asshole!yoongi, fwb to lovers trope

⇢ expected word count: ~10k

⇢ warnings: smut, kind of a slowburn, recreational use of drugs & alcohol, dirty talk, degradation, ridiculously excessive use of pet names, fingering, lots of casual sex talk, reader and jimin are slutty besties, dom!Yoongi, cursing, unprotected sex, semi-public and public stuff, slight dumbification (whoops), hair pulling, breathplay, reader has a thing for Yoongi’s hands because who doesn’t, reader and yoongi are both sarcastic and oblivious, etc. 

⇢ official release date: september 4th 2019, 10:45 pm est !!

⇢ synopsis: Min Yoongi wears leather jackets, fucks you like he hates you, spends most of his days on the wrong side of a blunt, and calls you the sweetest names when no one else is around. And you definitely aren’t falling in love with him.

⇢ author’s note: here’s the teaser for my first fic !! thank u for all the love from posting my first drabble to the announcement of this fic <3 im super excited abt this and all the future pieces ive been planning

If there was a magic lantern hidden somewhere on the campus of this university, you’d find it and your first wish would be to make it so that no one found out about this whole illicit affair you’ve been having with Min Yoongi. The secrecy was fun, sexy like you guys had a whole Mr. and Mrs. Smith thing going on. Or something. Your second wish would be to make his dick vibrate. 

But then he just had to go and go down on you in a bathroom during a party at the Beta Tau Rho house, not even a month into the fall semester, knowing you wouldn’t be able to be quiet or subtle at all. And he was so smug about it too, the fucker.

You can still feel the embarrassment buzzing under the surface of your cheeks from when you walked out that bathroom door and a dozen frat boys and mutual friends of yours and Yoongi’s were out there, waiting for the two of you to emerge and giving you a round of applause when you did. Yoongi had just laughed and rolled his eyes before leading you to the kitchen to get the pair of you some drinks. He’s always been particularly good at brushing that shit off of his shoulder. You aren’t, but you’re pretty good at pretending.

Maybe you should have ended it all that night. Of course, you didn’t. You figured, hey,  you’re young and in school so fuck making good decisions. Of course, the fact that no other guy has ever been able to dick you down nearly as well as Min Yoongi can is probably a huge contributing factor. 

Sure he might be grumpy, and sarcastic, and he tries way too hard to look cool and nonchalant, but he’s also the first guy to ever make you squirt. And you’re pretty sure that the way he waxes poetic about your pussy would make even Shakespeare swoon. So maybe the pros outweigh the cons, but only just.

“I can’t believe you’ve been getting Yoongi dick for almost three full months and haven’t divulged every single detail and vein to me, you cold, uncaring bitch-” Jimin’s voice is far too loud for the student-run coffee shop the two of you regulared every Sunday; a tradition that Jimin always insisted upon. He loves his traditions almost as much as he loves destroying any personal boundaries between the two of you.

“Keep going Park, see if I ever buy your coffee again.”

“Don’t change the subject,” You can’t say you’re surprised that Jimin is reacting like this. Self-proclaimed ‘disaster bisexual,’ Jimin was one of the very first friends you made back when you were a shy, barely functioning freshman. 

He actually introduced you to all his frat brothers, and a large number of the people you now call your friends. Including Yoongi, whose dick seems to be a reoccurring topic between you and… most people you know. Even if they weren’t at that dumb party, Jungkook made sure that every living being that stepped onto campus was aware of the newly found out fuckbuddies.

“We don’t keep anything from each other, Y/N,” He’s whining over his coffee now, full lips perched in that pretty pout that he regularly uses to his advantage. “I even told you about that time I puked on Namjoon’s dick in our second year!”

“Mmm, and I wish you hadn’t told me, Minnie-” The visual still haunts you, but Jimin has never had any predilections when it came to oversharing, especially not with people who have the misfortune of being his best friends. “‘Sides, I didn’t figure it was important, the whole Yoongi thing-”

“His dick, you mean.”

“Because it’s not like we’re getting married,” You carefully ignore him, a useful habit you’ve picked up three years into being his friend. “Just sex, remember?”

“So fucking what? You told me how you sucked Jeon’s cock in a movie theatre less than twelve hours after it happened-” You take a large gulp of your own iced coffee to busy yourself when the shameful memory is brought up. Not shameful because of the promiscuity of the act, no you’re an adult, thank you very much, but rather because of the boy you performed them on. Jeon Jungkook is now more of an annoying younger brother to you than anything. Not to mention he’s got a giant mouth that couldn’t keep a secret even if it killed him.

“Jesus you could’ve picked any other example-” You groan out as Jimin smirked, receiving the exact reaction from you he wanted. You think you’d have learned by now. “I’m sorry, okay? You big baby.”

“Hey, you’re on thin ice,” He points an accusatory finger at you and you have to fight the urge to smack it out of your face. “Now you have to make it up to me.”

You sigh- Jimin can really be exhausting when you’re only half a medium coffee in. “And how do you expect me to do that, Park.”

“Dick details, fucking obviously,” He says it like you’re a moron for even asking. And maybe you are. “Well details in general, I guess. You know, the basics; length, girth, does he make you call him daddy, is he good- I mean he must be un-fucking-real if you’ve been bouncing on it for three goddamn months, you whore.”

“I’m not giving you measurements, Jimin, I’ve yet to take a tape measure to it- and stop assuming everyone has a daddy kink just ‘cause you do.”

“Okay, vanilla bitch. You’re lucky I already know he’s got a monster cock from that time he streaked at that post-mid-term party next year.”

“Then why’d you even ask?”

“To see if you’d tell me the truth. It was a test and you failed.”

“I may be a college student but you’re gonna have to threaten me with a little more than a failing grade to spook me,” You roll your eyes playfully- there’s no real threat in his words, there never is.

“You’re right, I’m sure you’d much rather be punished by Yoongi, huh?”

[stripestheboar]

Sleepover

Okay.... I know I said I’ll only take Tumblr requests....... BUT DAMN IT I AM WEAK.

This one comes from Dragonsrule18 from FanFiction. The request?

My request is a little friendship/bonding fluff with Frisk and Undyne, either set during the hangout with Undyne in the game or after the True Pacifist ending. Undyne accidentally scares Frisk badly, unintentionally doing or saying something that triggers either a flashback of their battle or a flashback of Frisk's past before she/he/they met the monsters if Frisk had a bad past. When Undyne realizes how much she scared Frisk, she tries to comfort her in some way. The only other request I have for this oneshot is that there was not a genocide run.

My girl.... I DELIVER!

Word count: 3307

WARNING: There will be implications of child abuse.

“And remember that she is a growing young girl,” Toriel reminded checking her phone for any missed messages before looking back up at the two. “So make sure she eats plenty and doesn’t go to sleep too late, understood?”

Undyne grinned confidently, and with little effort, heaved Frisk to a sitting position on her shoulder, causing the young girl to giggle in amusement. “‘Course, Toriel!” Undyne assured. “She’ll be fine with me. Besides, if this little tyke can survive a battle with me, she’ll survive a night.” Toriel raised a brow as she crossed her arms. “Oh? That’s not very reassuring,” she huffed, checking the time once again. Frisk gave Undyne’s back a little pat, signalling she wanted to be set back down. Once back on her feet, she approached her mother with a cheeky little grin, her overnight backpack slung over her shoulder. “I’ll be fine, mom!” she told her. “Undyne and I are besties. She’ll take great care of me, promise.” The boss monster’s expression softened greatly and she gave a hesitant nod. “Yes yes, I know,” she murmured, “but you know how this old woman worries.” She looked at her phone one more time, before giving Frisk a quick hug. “I’ll be back for you tomorrow morning, understand? I must go now. Have fun with Undyne, dear.” And with that, Toriel strode back to her car as the pair waved her goodbye.

“Goodbye, mom!”

“See you tomorrow, Toriel!”

Soon enough, the two were watching the car disappeared from view, and by the time it had vanished, they were going back inside.

“It’s cool that we can hang out again, Dyne,” Frisk spoke, sitting on the couch big enough to hold a good three people. “Yeah, it’s been forever,” Undyne agreed, going to the kitchen to make themselves some tea. “Just the two of us. You and me.” “Where is Alphys, anyways?” the young girl asked, turning back on her knees on the couch in order to view Undyne from over the top of it. “Eh, she’s got some science duties n’ stuff,” she shrugged, boiling the water for their hot drinks. “So she’s pulling an all-nighter. She’ll be back tomorrow morning, but you’ll be asleep around then. So tonight, it’s just the two of us.” Frisk couldn’t help but smile, being reminded of their very first hangout back in the Underground.

“So what do you have planned?” was the next question the small human asked. “Eh, I got a good action movie we can watch, or maybe a good anime from Al’s collection,” she suggested, dipping the tea bags. “Oh, and some cooking, too. How does that sound?” She noticed the worried frown on Frisk’s face, looking a tad bit scared even. “No no, don’t worry,” Undyne chuckled, rushing to clear the worry up. “We have an electric stove. No fires, I promise.” This brought the happy smile back.

“Yeah!” Frisk agreed. “We’ll cook and we can watch movies while we eat. That sounds pretty fun.” Undyne grinned before pouring the tea for the both of them. “Glad you like it. It’s been a while since I’ve cooked anything. Al practically lives off of that packaged human food, and Paps has been busy with… Papyrus stuff.” She brought the cups over to the couch, handing the still steaming drink to Frisk, who gently blew on it. Like a wimp. Undyne drank her scorching hot tea without hesitation, which only served to impress her companion.

After the tea was done and they had finished catching up on events such as school and life up above ground, the two decided it was time to get started on their food for the night. Luckily it wouldn’t end in the house burning down. Probably.

“So what’s on the menu for tonight?” Frisk asked, hoisting herself to sit on the counter of the kitchen. “Lasagna,” Undyne replied, already going into the pantry to get the supplies they needed. Once the ingredients were set, the two stood in the middle of the kitchen, ready to get started.

“Ready?” Undyne asked, looking down at Frisk. She looked up at the fish monster with a confident smile and gave a nod, but Undyne wasn’t taking such a pathetic excuse for an answer as evidence. “No no, I mean, ARE YOU READY?” she demanded. Frisk nodded, filled with determination.

“Yeah I’m ready!”

“I said ARE YOU READY?!”

“Heck yeah I’m ready!”

“ARE YOU READY FRISK?!”

“HECK FLIPPIN’ YEAH I’M READY!”

“THEN LET’S BAKE SOME LASAGNA! NGAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!”

“YAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!”

And with that, the two ran to their ready positions. “Frisk! Sauce!” Undyne demanded, grabbing a large basket full of vegetables, heaving all it contents onto the counter. “Yes ma’am!” Frisk immediately began mashing the vegetables with a meat tenderizer, since she wasn’t comfortable holding knives just yet. With all her strength, she beat every single vegetable into a purée, the small weapon of destruction and tenderization helping to mash it fast enough to Undyne’s liking. She was no longer a Frisk among tomatoes, but a warrior against her puny enemies, as her friend would describe. Once the sauce was done, she scraped it all into the pot, only now noticing how dirty her clothes she had gotten from the juices of her mashed enemies. Still, she didn’t mind, for this was pretty fun. She scooped the rest of the sauce into the pot, putting it on the stove to heat up.

“Next, the pan!” Undyne yelled, tossing the glass pan used to hold the lasagna onto the counter. Only by the grace of the almighty did it not shatter upon impact. Frisk caught the no-stick spray used to grease up the pan and sprayed the inside of the pan until the container was empty, leaving the glass with a thick layer of oil in the inside. Some of the grease even leaked onto the floor. It was probably extremely unhealthy, but she didn’t care. She was too busy having fun.

“Now the flat noodle things!” Frisk hurried to turn around and catch the box of lasagna strips, throwing them into the pot full of water at full force. She then turned up the heat as far as it would go, to where the water was boiling within seconds. She didn’t even know water could boil that fast. The pasta was ready within minutes, and by then, Undyne had already finished browning the meat she was preparing, burning them until they were a brownish-black.

“Alright, Frisk, now drain that pot until it has nothing left to give you but the weak, limp remains of your enemies!” Okay, that was a bit too much imagery, but Frisk only gave a nod and grabbed the pot, running over to Undyne, who was already by the sink and draining the meat.

However, the little section of tiled floor that she ran on was unfortunately greased up from the overkill of spraying the pan. Upon stepping on that little patch of tile, Frisk slipped, hurling the the pot of boiling water in front of her. Luckily, the pot was thrown aiming downwards, so most of the water hit the floor, but some of the scalding liquid got straight onto Undyne’s bare feet and legs. Her high HP was already beginning to lower as she let out swears and grunts of pain.

Some people may say that Undyne has a few anger issues. When someone is in pain, they tend to act unpredictably.

“SON OF A BITCH!” Undyne shouted, jumping away and falling to the floor, grasping at her burning leg. The skin was already starting to peel off.

People in pain tend to do things they don’t meant to do.

Undyne swore once again, gritting her teeth and slamming her fist into the floor, cracking the tile. Frisk scrambled to her feet, backing away. “D-Dyne! O-oh my god, I’m so sorr-”

They tend to say things they don’t mean.

“AGH! MOTHER FUCKER! LOOK WHAT YOU DID YOU LITTLE BRAT!”

Frisk let out a squeak at the outburst, tears becoming visible in her eyes, but Undyne was too busy trying to help her injured feet to notice until Frisk ran off. “Fuck,” he cursed to herself, grabbing onto the ledge of the counter and hoisting herself up. “Frisk! Wait!”

But she was already gone.

Undyne cursed to herself once again, struggling to steady herself. Within a few seconds, she was able to muster strength to stand without the support of the counter. “Frisk!” she called into the hallway she had seen her friend disappear into. “C’mon, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it!” There was no answer. Undyne mentally scolded herself for letting herself lose her temper like that.

“Frisk!” she called once again, hobbling towards the hallway despite the pain. Once at the entrance, she saw her bestie near the end of the passage, beside the bedrooms. She was backed up at the end of the hall, watching the monster cautiously. She looked worried, and even… scared?

“Frisk? You okay?” Undyne asked, lowering her voice to a gentle murmur, a worried look in her eye as she stepped towards her friend, the pain no longer being an issue in her mind. But to her great surprise, Frisk dashed away, scampering like a frightened child afraid of a punishment from their parents. She ran into Undyne and Alphys’ room, slamming the door shut. Undyne blinked, astonished by the reaction. Had she scared Frisk that bad? She didn’t think so. It had only been some shouting and swears, and the human should know well enough that it was from pain and not caused by any sort of hate. She made her way over to the bedroom and grabbed the handle, once again surprised when she found it locked. She grunted and twisted the handle until the lock and handle broke. She would get it fixed later. This was a much more important matter. Her bestie was scared and hiding from her.

Forcing the door open, she scanned the room carefully, but there was no sign of Frisk. She let out a huff and began to search the room, looking under beds and in the closet. She soon found her friend in the bathroom, following the sounds of muffled crying and the smell of tomato sauce that led to the bathtub. Without turning on the lights or warning Frisk of her presence, Undyne drew the curtains back, her soul breaking upon hearing the kid let out a surprised scream.

Frisk was cowering in the bathtub, her knees brought to her chest and her hands covering her turned away face, though Undyne could still tell from the labored breathing and soft sounds that she was now sobbing. She trembled under the other’s shadow, mustering out a few shaky words before Undyne even had the chance to say anything.

“P-pl-please don’t hu-hurt me,” she begged, tucking into herself more as if it would somehow protect her. Undyne furrowed her brow, her worry for her friend overwhelming her as she reached out to touch Frisk’s arm. “Whoa whoa, Frisk,” she said softly. “I’m not going to hurt yo-” As soon as her hand made contact, the child drew back with a jerk, tensing up more as if she expected Undyne to yank her out of the tub. Undyne drew her hand back as well, her soul practically chipping away at the sight. What was going through her head right now to make her so scared of one of her best friends?

“I-I’m so sorry,” the human sobbed, refusing to look up at her. “J-just please d-d-don’t hurt me!”

“Frisk… Frisk I’m not going to hurt you,” Undyne assured gently, getting to her knees as she grasped the side of the tub. “We’re besties, remember? I’d never hurt you… Frisk, just calm down, okay. It was an accident. I’m not mad at you, I swear.”

Undyne had to repeat this to her several times, trying once more to touch her again. Once again, Frisk drew back, but he words seemed to help, as her shaking soon stopped and she let Undyne gently grasp her hand, squeezing it gently to let her know she still cared for her. “You’re okay… I promise.”

After a few minutes of gentle coaxing, Frisk finally looked up at Undyne with bleary eyes, tear marks clear down her face in the dim light coming from the bedroom. “Y-you’re not going to punish me?” she whispered. “Even after I hurt you?” Undyne shook her head firmly, giving her a soft smile. “Of course not, Frisk. It was a simple mistake. I’d never hurt you, okay? And I’m fine. I just need a few cinnabunnies and I’m good to go. You think a bit of hot water is gonna take me down, punk?” Frisk could help but giggle at this, shaking her head. “No… no I guess not,” she replied, wiping away her tears. “Good, now let’s get you a warm bath, okay? That’ll relax you. You’re all messy, too.” She tussled Frisk’s brown lock, rubbing some of the vegetable juices in deeper while Frisk only giggled and tried to bat her hand away.

After that little confrontation in the tub, Frisk got out as Undyne got up to turn on the lights so it wouldn’t be so gloomy in there. She started a bath as Frisk began to undress. A bath sounded really nice to her right now. By the time the water was ready, her tears had dried, and she got in without hesitation, giving Undyne a quiet thank you and apologized once again before starting to wash up. Undyne only dismissed the apology and went to clean up the mess.

After only a few minutes, Undyne had soaked up the now cold water and thrown away the spilt pasta, also taking the sauce and meat off the stove to store them away for another time. When she got back to the bathroom, Frisk was all lathered up and was already rinsing the soap out of her short hair. She no longer seemed upset, though she did look a tad saddened, mostly ashamed for the way she had reacted.

Dyne went about getting a towel, setting it on the edge of the tub. She was about to leave, when that sharp, guard-trained eye of hers caught something peculiar. She turned and looked at Frisk, who was turned away in the tub and was still rinsing herself off. Yeah, there was something definitely there.

Along the young girl’s back were small lines, thin, sharp strips of lighter toned flesh in comparison to the rest of her warm skin. Upon closer inspection, these small slices of color turned out to be scars. And not just simple scratches, but cuts that split skin and caused humans to bleed. Undyne unconsciously moved forward, sitting on the edge of the tub as she observed Frisk’s back. She could now see smaller, less noticeable scratches along the skin. There weren’t many, but they were definitely worrying. Undyne’s soul didn’t drop completely into her stomach until she saw patches of scars that she actually had trouble identifying. They reminded her of patchwork and were mostly located around her collarbone. With a bit of imaginative thinking, though, she soon realized that they were burn marks. Small ones, and too few and evenly placed to be accidental. From the way these looked, they seemed to be from quite a while ago, too.

Frisk tensed upon feeling gentle hands unconsciously trace along the faded, but still very visible scars along the back of her body. She let Undyne do this, not saying anything to her friend.

“Where did these come from?” Undyne spoke softly, moving her hand away. Frisk hesitated, but still answered. “From before the Underground,” she replied in a barely audible voice. She heard a soft sigh behind her, and after a few minutes of silence, she heard her get up.

“Alright, no more thinking sad thoughts. Let’s get you dried up, okay?” Frisk nodded and smiled as she was handed the towel. Undyne left to let her dry herself off, retrieving her pajamas from the backpack and letting her get dressed in peace. Undyne, too, got dressed in something more comfortable, getting into some sweatpants and a talk top just as Frisk left the bathroom.

“So, instant noodles and an action movie?” the older girl suggested, already heading to the kitchen with the younger trailing behind her. “Yeah!” the girl replied, sounding more enthusiastic now. “Something overly processed and packaged sounds really good right now.” Undyne gave a soft laugh in response, going to cook up some three-minute instant pasta. As she did so, Frisk ran over to the TV and DVD player and pop in the action movie the two had been talking about. Once the movie was in and the unhealthy pasta was ready, the two sat down on the couch. Undyne handed Frisk her chopsticks, who took them in confusion.

“Why do you have chopsticks?” the smaller asked, looking up at the taller. “Al likes to use them whenever she really gets into anime,” was the chuckled reply. Frisk gave her a weird look. “Why don’t you just use forks?” She got a weird look in return. “What, you mean doing it the easy way?” Frisk let out a giggle before forcing herself to figure out how to use the sticks correctly as the movie started.

The opening played, and fortunately for the two, it was just as awesome and epic as the two had been hoping for. As the movie went on, knives were flying, fire was blasting, bombs were bursting; it was any adrenaline junkie’s paradise. The noodles were soon depleted, leaving the two to watch the movie in the dark with crossed legs, Frisk excitedly hugging a couch pillow as Undyne cheered on the main character.

Of course, as with every movie, there was the obligational part where the movie slowed when times were looking down, the main character looking for inspiration to keep going and save his friends. Undyne looked over and smiled at Frisk, who seemed to be having a rather fun time judging from the smile on her face and the giggle at the occasional joke. She gave her a gentle elbow. “Hey punk,” she said softly, grabbing the other’s attention. “You know we’d never hurt you, right?” Frisk frowned for half a second, but a small smile soon returned to her face. “Yeah, I know,” she replied. “And you know that we’re always here to help you? And protect you, right?” The young girl got a bit bleary-eyed and nodded, the smile growing wider. “Yeah, I know,” she replied, quickly giving her friend a tight hug. “Thank you. Thank you so much.” Undyne blinked in surprise, but grinned, giving Frisk a soft pat on the head. “No problem, punk. You mean the word to us.”

Their attention was soon brought back to the movie by the sounds of a loud explosion. Frisk slowly let go of Undyne and the two best friends went back to enjoying the movie together.

Hours later, Alphys trudged through the front door, letting out a tired yawn as she locked it. She was surprised to see the TV screen stuck on its idle state this early in the morning. She straightened her glasses, glancing over at the couch to see something that brought a smile to her face. Undyne was slumped over on the side of the couch, snoring lightly after having fallen asleep there. Frisk was there as well, laying against Undyne’s side as she was oblivious to the monster entering the room whilst in her slumber. Alphys watched the two for a moment before grabbing a blanket and throwing it over the pair. “Good night, you two,” she whispered, turning off the TV and going to bed, leaving the besties asleep on the couch.